No. Just, no, alright Alex. I gave him my word, man. Don’t make me go back on it, alright. Anything else. I bet Liv didn’t tell you she hooked up with Linda, too. That happened. If I’m honest I was kinda surprised, but to each there own. Even temporarily. No, that didn’t do it. What about, um, Juicy Jo deets? I can give you juicy… oh, would you stop that. You know I can’t say no to those eyes. You’re worse than Jo, you know. At least he doesn’t make me do anything bad or immoral. Not really, you know. Alright, I’ll tell you shit. Jeez. Just, I don’t know, don’t ever tell anyone else anything I say, yada-yada. But I’m not telling you everything, just something. One story. That’s all you get. Just the one. And not about anything sketchy or even vaguely illegal.
Alright. Let me tell you about the kid. Let’s talk about Rick. First and foremost, you have to know, Rick, I call him the kid and likely always will, but he’s actually, like, five years older than us or so. Why he’s allegedly working for Jo and not allegedly the other way ‘round, I don’t know. I blame Mikey. Haven’t figured out how yet, but I still blame him. Anyways, Rick came into town like the quietest, least-existing-est storm you’d ever imagine. Seriously, I’m pretty sure Anton didn’t even realize he was here for a gee dee month, you know? I was the, I want to say third? Person he talked to, after Jim and Linda. Fun fact, you know he’s the first of these runaways in a while who hasn’t given Linda a second glance? Still confuses me, but you know how I get about that sort of thing. Anyways, what were we talking about?
Crap, right. Rick’s story. Well, he came to me and was all like, “The boss said I can trust you to help me not make waves.” And I, being a brilliant genius in everything I attempt, immediately knew that he was sent by Jo. Mostly because, you know, no one else in the outside world knows jack shit about me. I mean, besides you, but we both know that you’d send your dirty secrets to Liv to stay hidden, because of you two’s whole mind meld thing. I know, I know, off track, but stuff it, this is my story. So, because his boss is my bestie, I helped the man out. Gave him all the details necessary to not be looked at askance by the town. You know how this town can get when you do something wrong? I just sorta made sure he never broke any of our unwritten vague complex social rules. Easy.
Anyways, here’s where the story comes in. It was the day he met Anton for the first time. Being that he worked for Jo, he distrusted that star on Anton’s belt. And being that he was working for Linda at the time and remarkably attractive and fit and what not, Anton distrusted him as a human being with a penis in general. That man’s a jealous mother. You know, he locked up in the drunk tank when I left Linda’s apartment late that one time? Tell you one thing, taught me to stay the night when you’re dealing with this town. Or use the sewers. I’m no Jo, I can’t be invisible. In any case, they had a chat, evidently, which describing as icy would be the understatement of the century, and seeing as I was his primary point of contact with the town, he came to me the next morning during my morning ‘meditations’. I was down by old town, enjoying breathing in my ‘incense’, when he walked up to me. “Alex,” he said to me, in a state, “I think I fucked it up, man.”
I looked at him and held out the ‘incense’ to offer him a hit. He shook his head. “What did you do?” I asked, smiling, then took another deep inhale.
“Some pig hit me up at the bar, asking me a shitload of questions about what I was doing here, and stuff like that.” The dude was seriously scared that the town would turn on him.
I laughed at him, because, you know, I know this town and he so clearly hadn’t learned yet. “Don’t worry about Anton,” I said, “He’s not looking at you as a suspicious officer of the law.” I once again offered him a hit of incense. This time, the ball of stress took me up on it and breathed it in himself. I continued, “No, he’s acting like a suspicious ex.”
That surprised Rick mid-inhale and he coughed a few times before asking, “The fuck?”
“Right,” I said with a big grin, “You’re new. He’s Linda’s on-again, off-again sort of boyfriend. Has been since, like, high school. Currently they’re in the off again phase and, you see, what with your face and muscles, he thinks you and Linda are doing the dirty.”
Rick rolled his eyes and took an even deeper inhale of the ‘incense’. After breathing out a nice puff of smoke, he replied, “But…”
I cut him off. I knew was about to say something stupid and I didn’t want to deal with that. “Don’t worry about it. No one in town actually likes or listens to Anton, and when it comes to anyone remotely in the orbit of Linda, people tune him out before he starts talking. He could have hard evidence of you committing murder in the town square, and if he was the only one who knew, you’d be good around here.”
He handed me back my ‘incense’ and I took a hit as he spoke. “But everyone else somehow knows that I’m not screwing her, why’s the cop think I am?”
I waved him off, breathing out my own cloud of smoke. “Because Anton, and do just call him Anton, it really pisses him off and will help you out with the rest of the town, has been trying to get back with Linda of late, but she’s been blowing him off. Don’t know why, but I think he thinks she has a secret beau. You know, a lover in the nighttime. And a mysterious stranger like yourself fits the bill nicely.”
“But,” he began once again.
Once again, I cut off his protestation. “But nothing. Don’t worry about it. You tell Anton that you’re just thankful Jim gave you a job. He’ll talk to Linda, who’ll deny it, or vaguely deny it, depending on how mean she’s feeling, and then he’ll try to follow you around a bit, but the rest of the town will put a stop to it by noontime.”
“Fine,” he said, “You ain’t steered me wrong before. But if this goes wrong…” he trailed off.
I picked it up where he stopped, “Yes, yes, I know, you’ll like shank me while I sleep or something similar.”
“Something like that,” he said as he slipped into the old Ryser zone of old town for his secret calisthenics.
That evening, I made sure to go to the bar. Ordered a session and told Linda to keep it flowing. I wanted to look like I was drunk, but not actually get drunk. After all, I wanted to see this thing go down. Later, during his shift, Rick went and stopped by Anton’s table. “Need anything, Anton?” he asked, emphasizing the Anton of it all.
Anton stared daggers at him, but everyone else within earshot laughed. See, now Rick’d become one of the people. Separate from the people and still super mysterious, but one of the people, nonetheless. Anton sighed. “I’m alright. Why are you talking? You never talk.”
Rick gave a confused look. “How would you know that? You been stalking me?” The entire bar turned to look at Anton. It was a thing of beauty. The dude had the charisma of a wet blanket, but with my help, he’d gotten the drunks of the town to side with him.
One of them, well actually, your pops, said, “He has suspicions about you and Linda, I think.” By said, I mean slurred, because he was hammered. This was when you’d just told everyone you weren’t coming home for a while, and I think he missed Olive. And you, of course, but we both know he likes your daughter more after you became a politician. Yeah, I know that look, screw me for telling you the truth. Anyways, this caused Rick to laugh. “What do you mean?” he asked. Shaking his head, he said exactly what I told him to. “I just work late because I’m thankful to Jim, for giving me this opportunity to work and place to rest my head, you know.” Everyone chuckled, as there was no way for Anton to respond without seeming like the jealous ex type, which is, as you’re well aware, exactly what he is, but also the one thing he wants to avoid looking like.
So, later, when Linda was starting to judge me for staying sober-ish, Anton came up to the bar, ostensibly to get a complicated drink. After ordering his weird cocktail, he asked, “So, what’s the deal with you and this new guy?”
“Wouldn’t know,” she replied, “He doesn’t even give me a second look.”
Anton, who was definitely giving her a second look as he spoke, asked, “Really?”
“I can’t deal with him right now,” she said, “Alex, are you sober enough?” She knew damned well I was, but she wanted to keep my cover. See, she also knew, or, well, suspected, I was the one coaching Rick on how not to be hated, and she was on my side in this one very specific instance. Don’t worry yourself, Alex, she still hates my guts in general.
I stood up, leaning exaggeratedly on the bar, and slurred out, “Sure, I guess.” Stumbling around to behind the bar, I fixed up Anton’s cocktail and handed it to him. “You good, cuz?” I asked. He hates it when I called him cousin. Even more than when other people call him Anton. It’s the whole reason I do it. Now that I think about it, half my life is just me figuring out the best ways to screw with the guy.
He sighed. “I think I might be misjudging a guy, again, letting my own feelings get in the way. You know how I get sometimes.”
“You mean when you go crazy-jealous-ex-boyfriend on people? Yeah, I remember than distinctly.”
“I apologized for that,” he remarked.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Only after me and Linda broke up.”
He leaned in. “You do know you two were never really ‘dating’, right?” he asked.
“Well, duh, but last time I spoke about it in more crude terms, you slapped me.” I chuckled, “You know, because you’re a crazy-jealous–”
He interrupted me, “Ex-boyfriend, I know. Tell me, am I wrong about Rick, though?”
You know me, my brain was giving its best maniacal laughter. “In what regard?” I said, keeping a straight face and my voice flat, “Because I’m not sure whether I’d trust him trust him, but in terms of Linda, we both know she doesn’t lie. Not really.”
He sighed. “I know,” he said, and he left the bar. I knocked on the rear door, while the two of them were having a smoke-break. “Linda, I’m leaving, Rick, you’re good as long as you were being honest with me.” And with that, I, too, left the bar.
Rick was, of course, being honest with me. He actually never lied to me his entire stay. He was solid guy, for an alleged career criminal. But that’s just how Rick rolled. The people he trusted, he told the truth to. Those he didn’t, he bent the truth with, but I’m like, seventy-percent sure he never straight up lied to anyone. He liked his word-games too much to that. You know the type. I mean, you had a kid with the type. Right, sore subject. Have you talked to Jo lately? Because I’m sure if you did, he would give you all information about Rick and the situation. Fine, fine, no more Jo talk. I thought you tow were better after what went down last time you were here, but no matter. Come on, I’ll walk you home. I haven’t seen Olive in ages, and now that she’s staying in town, we both know there’s no one better to teach her about how this place works. Except maybe Linda, but I don’t think you want to take her to a bar, not with her parents’, let’s call them, proclivities in that regard. Ouch! Why'd you hit me? I'm just saying the truth.